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I adopted a cute lil' death fetus
from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!
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| rough nights... |
| 06.30.04 (8:35 pm) [edit] |
since i gave up my safety pins im having the hardest time trying to sleep. its like when im ready to sleep i cant fall asleep and when i finally do i wake up millions of times during the night and have the hardest time falling back asleep.
it doesnt help that im incredably lonely at night and i have nothing to make me emotionless anymore...its like the one thing that i could use to get away from everything and i dont have it anymore...its like killer horrible
i went to the baseball game today with kayla and ryan :) it was fun...:looks around innocently:
i feel so..i dunno...not dead...but not out of it...that unhappy medium in the middle...and worst of all i miss him so much...
**CanDii**
ifn...im andrea's sexxay, depressed, gothic annorexic super model...lmao (dont ask...you wouldnt get it)
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| hmm... |
| 06.28.04 (8:31 pm) [edit] |
hmm well, today was a lazy day, i spent most of my time just laying around the house doing nothing. i went to the town hall with auntie n uncle ron in my pajamas...hehe...
i wanted to go out but that didnt work out to well
speaking of working out i gotta do something to get back into somewhat of a good shape...
mm :yawn: im still tired...i didnt sleep good at all last night. i had to cry myself to sleep because i ended up getting rid of my needles and safety pins, and then i was up every hour...blah
i cant get my mind off someone...i miss them much n much. and i didnt really talk to them today... hmm :sighs:
2days till my willow comes back and i have my bestest friend again! :happy: i miss my willow greatly, i havent talked to her in over 3weeks! grr
mm, well...i think thats all i have to say right about now...
**CanDii**
ifn...hannah, ill start the trend right here and then ill tell everyone how you came up with it by acting like a blondie. :smiles:
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| party... |
| 06.28.04 (12:19 pm) [edit] |
the party was yesterday..theres so much food left over that its gunna b my meals for the next 3weeks. ryan came to the party and saved me from boredom. :)
i have another party next saturday :sighs: i dont really wanna go...but i have no choice
i guess thats all i have to say accept one more thing...
Mike~thank you so much for calming me down last night when i was really upset. And thanks for making that deal with me, and im going to do my best. Im sorry that you had to see me like that, and im gunna try to make sure that you wont have to anymore. thank you so much, it means a lot that you care about me and want whats best for me. i love you mike your the best :hugs you: i cant wait to see you this summer.
....and then im gone
**CanDii**
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| how to make...me? |
| 06.26.04 (7:38 pm) [edit] |
| How to make a candiikishesxox |
Ingredients:
3 parts success
1 part self-sufficiency
3 parts leadership |
Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add a little lovability if desired! |
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| remeberance |
| 06.25.04 (6:46 am) [edit] |
last nite i was trying to find my way through my 'apartment' and of course im stumbling along cause i couldnt find the lightswitch and when i finally got the light above my bed on there was every newspaper article that had to do with the nightclub fire laying on the table in front of the tv. every single article and newspaper that had anything to do with the fire. and then to make it worse, the one on top was the picture of a rememberance site that had Uncle Joe's cross that says "i love you pappy joe" on it that cameron made for him. i started crying so hard, its horrible. i mena its one thing to be in an upset depressed mood but to be depressed and then find that, it just wasnt what i was looking forward to having happen.
parties on sunday, not like i really want to go...its gunna be so hot outside which means ill be in a bad mood and ill have to stay around a bunch of people that ill like kill them before i have to stay out there and be nice...
we went shopping so i could have a new outfit to wear on sunday for the party. blah, i like the new outfit but i wont wear it for the party...most likely
nicole sent me another quote: if you have no love, you will have no peace...but if you know love...you will know peace.
shes so sweet, i feel so bad that i wont be able to talk to her anymore. or anyone else from *DREAMS* for that matter. they befriended me when they didnt no anything about me and trusted me when most people dont, and i feel so bad for just having to leave without telling them why or anything.
i think now, more then ever im back into music again. i mean i love music and it creeps me out if i dont have music playing in the backround but im listenin to all music that i havent heard in forever and dedicating them to like everyone i no if it reminds me of them by the littlest thing
and i will admit it now...i have problems with safety pins and self-inflicting pain upon myself...which i will try to fix...if it is fixable. i just cant get professional help because only afew people know and i cant let my parents know about it...cause they would freak out and id be in even more trouble then im in on my own...
:sighs: wheres the upturn thats supposed to make me happy...its summer damnit im supposed to be happy!
i just need the right person....
**CanDii**
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| ~*~Dedicated~*~ |
| 06.23.04 (8:21 pm) [edit] |
~*~Dreams~*~
World turns black and white
Pictures in an empty room
Your love starts fallin down
Better change your tune
Reach for the golden ring
Reach for the sky
Baby just spread your wings
Chorus:
We’ll get higher and higher straight up we’ll climb
We’ll get higher and higher leave it all behind
Run, run, run, away
Like a train runnin off the track
The truth gets left behind
And falls between the cracks
Standing on broken dreams
But never losing sight
Spread your wings
Chorus
So baby dry your eyes, save all the tears you’ve cried
Ohh that’s what dreams are made of
Oh baby we belong in a world that must be strong
Ohh that’s what dreams are made of
Solo
Chorus
Higher and higher who knows what we’ll find
And in the end on dreams we will depend
Cause thats what love is made of
~*~D-E-D-I-C-A-T-E-D~*~
J.E.P ( / / - 03/28/03)
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| its finally done with! |
| 06.21.04 (3:09 pm) [edit] |
ah schools finally out! its over! im free!! now i have months of not having to see the people i hate and just relaxing 24/7!! ah i dont think it could get much better today...
yesterday was fathers day...i didnt really see daddy tho, he was working on manda's jeep so she can have it in accouple of months. i got to watch a movie with him though
i tried to take the baby for a walk and i swear to god i cant walk around in peace anymore...every time i go for a walk i end up running into some one that i dont wanna see :frowns: this time it just had to be the whole skate posse....god theyr so grr i just wanna kill em!
**CanDii**
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| life goes on... |
| 06.18.04 (4:27 pm) [edit] |
the summers coming up and theres only one day left of school so that means all my stress will be gone! no more HAVING to see people i hate, no more having to be up at 6AM, no more having to be at home...nothing
im free to do what i want whenever i want!
stress is gone and life goes on
i cant wait till the summer, ima redo my half of the room to be all nascar...which i already started doing
and ill be up every day until 5AM watching the VH1 Insomniac Music Theater that starts at 3AM lol
and meet mike...(if nothing goes wrong this time)
haha, my AIM sns got hacked today...woohoo! lmao
and then i saw andrea! :waves hi to andy: hi andy! lol
and i went to the New Found Glory concert last nite, haha that was so much fun i gotta go to the WBRU summer concert series next year...
i guess thats all i got for now?
**CanDii**
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| wyatts back... |
| 06.15.04 (11:13 am) [edit] |
:sighs: wyatt came back...after all these months hes back and ready to talk to me again...i dunno what to do
i mean when i needed him the most he told me he didnt care n turned his back on me
but now hes back and hes acting like nothing ever happened, including that he said he wanted nothing to do with me anymore...
i dunno how im supposed to react to what hes saying, i mean honestly i dont even no how he can sit there and pretend that nothing ever happened and pretend that there was nothing between us the last 2years...
its just so :sighs: complicated, as is everything else in the world...
but he had to come back when i finally got over the fact that he could care less, and when i dont need him hes here...i dunno what to do anymore
**CanDii**
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| woot ima bitch! |
| 06.12.04 (12:58 pm) [edit] |
woot ima bitch! lol, everyone keeps callin me a bitch, so...thats an accomplishment right? :) thats my life time achievement so far! woohoo!
i just got back from auntie lisa's...i saw mike, and omg i havent seen him in so long hes like taller and just different then the last time i had seen him.
ashleys baby showers tomorrow, i dont wanna go but i dont think i have a choice right now... :thinks: o well..
Lincoln Projects due tuesday...i really dont feel like working on it over the weekend tho, its not really on my priority list...
wait..i dont have a priority list...ok so its not important to me at all..yay!
o well....
**CanDii**
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| its over... |
| 06.11.04 (10:39 pm) [edit] |
its over, im so stressed its like not even close to being funny...and the worst part no willow until the 30th, now i have noone to help calm me down when im heated...
matts in florida, i got to call him from kassys cell phone in science today lol, it was fun...i didnt get caught...(technically everything in here happened yesterday but im considering it today)
ooo i went to graduation and saw zoe, meghan, court, olivia, and geri there...i was suprised at how many ppl that i did no that were there...
ashley ended up going to see ricky, that was the first time i met her(i dont think shes all that good of a person) but heyy thats my opinion...
:cries: i cant believe scott graduated, and now hes going into the services...now im gunna have no big brother! :cries:
yesterday auntie took me to the store and i got new shoes! yay! and then i got 2new cds : Relaxing Celtic, and, Native American Flute...theyr so peaceful it gets rid of stress..itll work till i have willow back and i have someone to confide in...
:sighs: its over..im officially stressd
**CanDii**
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| omg ppl die! |
| 06.10.04 (4:44 pm) [edit] |
ugh i hate people so much, first my evil sister had to come up to me in the midst of me talking to ryan and freak out on me
then lisa wont talk to me anymore
nicks threatening to beat up my highschool friends
scott thinks that im being molested by people
AND IM NOT!
its my opinion on what i want to do, and i need to learn from my own mistakes instead of having people protect me my whole life...
i WANT to make mistakes, i WANT to get in trouble they wont let me! i hate people so much right now...
**CanDii**
(and its not in my best intrest to be held up hostage because i want to get away so bad and they have NO CLUE what im planning...)
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| y doesnt he realize it..? |
| 06.09.04 (4:41 pm) [edit] |
how can he not see how much i want to be with him? i feel like after dropping thousands of hints he still doesnt get the idea...i tell him i love him all the time, hes my flirt buddy, a great friend i mean...he just doesnt see it...and i really with that he would, i wanna b with him so bad its just...i dont think he realizes how much he means to me and how much it would kill me to not have him in my life...
**CanDii**
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I adopted a cute lil' March birthstone fetus
from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!
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